If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
