Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
