She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
