I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize