I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
