Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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