She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
