Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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