i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We are two peas in an std pod
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
