You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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