I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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