Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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