i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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