My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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