think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
