Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Randomize
