You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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