I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
