somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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