I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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