Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
