So drunk its hurt
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
