Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
