Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize