I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
