How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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