So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just want nice things and good sex
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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