I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
