how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
