I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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