I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
