what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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