ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
