I swear god or herbie drove my car home
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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