i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
