Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
