a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If I die, sorry about rent.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
