yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
