i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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