Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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