i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
