I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
