do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
