these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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