If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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