dude i'm inner monologue high
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
