why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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