just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
