There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
