Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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