dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
