Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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