btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
