I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
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