Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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