I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
