Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
