and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
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