We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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