No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
