Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
