I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
