I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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