I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
