It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
