Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
