Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize