He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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