I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
