so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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