On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
