Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The feeling are messing with the penis
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Randomize
