I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
