hotel room ftw
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
