I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
