what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
