im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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