dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
